Are you tired of arguing in relationships? Does your man tend to bring out the worst in you? Do you find yourself getting wound up over the things that he says and does? Or perhaps you lose your cool over things he doesn't say or do. Perhaps you go in with all guns blazing to let him know how much he has hurt you. When issues arise in 東京 人間関係 , we tend to exhibit learned patterns of response. The problem is that arguing and getting angry doesn't work very well and won't resolve your problems. If you want to solve your relationship problems, draw him in close and boost your relationship, you must learn self-control and take responsibility for how you feel.
Do you reproach your man for the things you see as not quite right in your relationship? It's easy to blame someone else for the way that we feel but when we do this, we give away our power and become a victim. You see, no one else can actually make us feel anything. The things that happen to trigger our negative responses are subconscious reactions based on the sum total of all our past relationships. That includes those with our parents and family as well as our current and previous partners. Our negative reactions are simply past fears bubbling up to the surface based on current events. Often they are just bad habits of thought and reaction that we have gathered over the years and are generally unaware of.
We think that someone else is causing our problem or "pushing our buttons". However, it is our internal reaction that causes us the pain. This is the real problem and we must take responsibility for that. This means that we must stop blaming others for how we feel and take control of our emotions. We must own the pain that we feel and eradicate the source if we are to begin to react differently. It is always better to acknowledge and deal with our pain, rather than to stuff it away where it will be stored up to create problems in the future in the form of illness and relationship conflict.
The trouble is that when pain takes over, it is human instinct to put ourselves first. We become unable to listen to another person's point of view or to have a rational conversation as our body becomes awash with the chemicals of emotion and pain. The pain response makes us selfish and closed-minded. We cling on to our opinions as if they are gospel and they must be defended at all costs. We want to make the other person wrong so we can prove ourselves right. Often when we have cooled down and we look back in the cold light of day, we feel somewhat foolish about the way that we reacted.
This is why we must learn some self-control. It is good to take a step back from any situation that makes us feel emotional before we give in to the urge to react badly. When we respond from a place of pain, we are highly unlikely to act in a way that solves the problem or improves our connection with our man. It is best to calm down and think about the real cause of the pain and what is the underlying problem here.
When we feel calmer we can then confront the issue without blame or condemnation. In doing so it is important to really listen to our partner's point of view. Most of us find this difficult but don't give up. It is easy for the pain to resurface during these times, but often if we are able to hear our partner out, we will see that he is usually prepared to make some form of compromise. On the other hand, if we refuse to acknowledge his feelings and try to get our own way at his expense, he will tend to resist and a stalemate will follow.
When you understand the importance of staying calm then you are better able to judge when to suspend the discussion. Attacking and blaming will never resolve your issues, however justified you feel. Treating your partner with respect and understanding is the only way to proceed and create safe space for negotiation in the relationship. Of course, where your partner's behaviour is unacceptable, you should consider whether it is wise to continue in the relationship.
So, you don't need to argue in relationships. You can take a look at any discomfort you are feeling and decide what you can do about it. If you often find your emotions out of control and find yourself uncontrollably raging against your partner, it's time to look at taking responsibility for your feelings. You can change the way that you communicate and feel. Is this easy? No, but it is worthwhile and will empower you to improve your relationships now and in the future.